Medical Board Evaluation

Is what I had done today...It was a very intimidating situation at first...I walked into the office with the big nice wooden desk and a full bird retired Colonel as my doctor reviewing me. He talked to me and asked for my medical history, we talked about the pain, he had me do some range of motion exercises...and then he sat me down and asked the question I've been dreading the absolute most. What do you want? I told him I didn't know, I could go either way and be just fine. And then he prodded me harder, he wasn't going to go with that he wanted a straight forward yes or no answer...I wasn't ready for it, I knew it would come but I didn't think from the first person I saw. He wanted the cold hard facts and he wanted to know what I wanted right then, I hemmed and hawed, tried and fought to keep my tears down and then I blurted out I guess I will go. He went on to say that the board in Texas will be the deciding factor of the process, that most likely I'll get 20% of my base pay times 2.5 years...and that will most likely be my severance pay, a lump sum check handed to me...I guess the Army's way of saying, sorry we broke you, hope this helps, down do the duffel bag drag...thats what happens in basic when a Soldier gets recycled or kicked out they have to drag their duffle bag out of the company area in front of all the other Soldiers. I cried when I finally got to sit down with my counselor... I told her I feel as though I'm a scum bag Soldier because I can't maintain the Army physical fitness standards nor can I maintain the weight standards. It hurts to do my daily job, even though its just sitting in front of a computer, and no, I probably couldn't carry my weapon or ruck sack or wear my gear to protect myself in a wartime setting. It would hurt, I'd drag and get left behind...I know Mom's upset, she wanted me to finish out, I think she's scared that I will come home with nothing and be broken in need of medical care. My heart hurts for her, cause I know she's upset because she wants the best for me and wants me to be taken care of. I know I will get medical coverage for my neck from the Army, maybe even some money from the VA. The Chaplain's continue to reassure me that I will have my GI Bill in full since I'm getting medically chaptered out. My conversations about this whole topic always end in tears. I want to go home and start some kind of life that isn't as painful as it is working day in and day out here. I want to stay, though too...I don't want to leave my team, I've finally built GOOD relationships with my co-workers and everything has gotten MUCH better, especially having Zeke here and all. I know if I stay everything will be alright and I know that if I go everything will be alright, no road will be easy...but God never promised or even hinted that it'd be easy...He just said He'd be here with us every step of the way. I prayed before I went into see the doctor that God would guide me where He wants me. I told God I'd praise Him if I stay and I will praise Him if I go. Its time to start trusting God. I do believe He wanted me to say I'd go; Or else it wouldn't of been the only option that was bouncing in my head. I've given it to God, there are reports that will be written about my health, and suggestions on what to do with me. So I leave it to God with what He wants done with me. I pray for all of those that my paperwork goes through their hands. I'm officially an Injured Soldier now. My office is fighting to keep me, instead of me being assigned to the Warrior Transition Unit, if that happens, I will belong to the Wounded Warrior Battalion...and I won't work in my office any longer except for special duties...I don't want that. I asked my Commander to keep me, and I've asked my Chaplain's as well...We are fighting together to keep me in my office, no matter how long my stay in the Army is now...Stay tuned for more updates, I have a full day physical coming up on the 19th...I have to fast and they will do blood work again..pls pray for me, last time I almost lost it when I had to do that.

All my love
Emily
"I know I'm a Princess because my Father is the King of Kings."
*Have you thanked a hero today?*