Soaring With Wings Like An Eagle

I went for a run the other day. My thoughts were racing as we found out what was to happen at the daycare. We were shutting the doors forever, I'd be without a job. I was so confused and thought after thought raced through me and held my mind captive, I couldn't sit still. So I changed and went running, it was instant that my head cleared. It was there that I could control my mind as I controlled my breathing. step, breath, Jesus, step, breath, save me, on and on I'd repeat that until He did. step, breath, Jesus, step, breath, provide for me, turned into step, breath, He will, step, breath, Provide for me. By now I had made it over to the pool and I was speaking truths aloud; step, breath, "I am His" step, breath, "He is mine" step, breath, "He will" step, breath, "Never leave me." step, breath, "I will" step, breath, "trust You." step, breath, "I will" step, breath, "fly on" step breath "wings like eagles. I am a child of the King. He will carry me in the palm of His hand. I don't have to do this on my own, better yet, I don't have to do this at all. He will do this." step, breath, "I surrender", step, breath,"all to You." By now I was at Davenport and this cute little blonde starts running barefoot with me, calling out calories burned "500,....1000" I couldn't help laughing and talking to her. Her name was Melissa. I thanked God for her, a block later we parted, my strength renewed, I finished myrun and was great for most of the rest of the night. Melissa was my small light in the midst of a dark night. How often we over look the small lights until we are desperate for them. Thank-you God for the little lights!

Trusting God

"God is God. Because He is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will, a will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to. " Elisabeth Elliot

This is where I am today...constantly reminding myself that I trust Him...there's so much uncertainty in my life right now, but the one thing I am surely certain of is how vast, how wide, how deep, how long, is the love of my Savior. He will bring me through this, He will bring me through everything until I'm finally face to the floor in front of His Holy presence...until that day I continue to lay my life down at the foot of the cross...trusting Him to carry me through this dark, scary and petrifying time.

The love of a brother...

I'd like to introduce you to the men that I call my brothers...

This is Allen


This is Chris & Seth

This is Gregg and Ryan.

And this is John, he's my brother by DNA & the blood of Christ.

The love of a brother encompasses a love like none other. You see only the last picture is what most would call my "real" brother. I beg to differ, the only difference between my biological brother, John, and the other men up above and the countless other brothers I have is just that, John and I share the DNA of our biological parents. My other brothers and I share the saving blood of Jesus Christ. They protect me just as John does, they lead, guide, counsel, encourage, and tease just like John does. God has really grown a deep love and respect in me for these amazing men of faith. And everyday I thank God for putting such God fearing men into my life as leaders, I am so blessed.

The love of a brother bears the burden of being the spiritual leader of his single sisters that God has entrusted him.
The love of a brother bears the burden of being the protector of his sisters.
The love of a brother bears the burden of encouraging his sisters.
The love of a brother bears the burden of counseling his sisters.
The love of a brother sees not that any of this is a burden, but willingly does it because of his love.
The love of a brother comes in the form of a stranger, grows in the form of a friend, and walks faithfully into eternity with his fellow brothers and sisters along side him.

Jesus, thank-you for placing such amazing Godly men into my life that can walk this narrow path along side of me as I work to spread Your good news. Give me the love of a sister to encourage these men, to care for these men, to nurture them, to challenge them, to support them, and most of all strength to just walk along side of them. Thank-you for the countless blessings you bestow upon us even when it takes everything we have to see your blessings, thank-you for blessing us just the same. You're moving in ways we could never have imagined or dreamed, and for that I am thankful, Father, keep moving in us, growing us, and preparing us for your Kingdom. Your will be done in all of our lives, may we never lose sight of your perfect ways. I praise you Father! Amen.

Relying on whom??? ummm...come again?!?!

Today was a whirlwind if ever I've had one. Work went decent, I made chili mac for lunch...yuck! I've never been a fan of that stuff even when they made it for us in the Army. But then I found out something that sent me instantly reliving a terrible part of my past that God did use to bring me to Him, but it was hard none the less. The circumstance isn't important, what is important is the heart work that God is doing in me. You see that issue showed me some very important things in my heart I didn't even realize were there. I was so shaken with fear that I bawled my eyes out quite a bit. Not good! So I tried to call my bestie Beth, but she didn't answer (she was still at work). So I called my buddy Allen, he didn't answer at first but then when he called me back he got frustrated because he felt like he wasn't giving me good enough answers (Allen, if you're out there in my reader land...you did great!) So that left me shook up and searching for comfort...get where I'm going here? Well, then I turned to my friends Gregg and Ryan, hoping they'd come over so we could talk it out, no such luck, they weren't due over until an hour later. So I left Kati, my bestie cousin, whom was trying to talk to me the whole time. To go home to get into my bible. Finally...comfort! I've been digging into Psalm 37 alot this week working on my anger, and I found that an amazing starting point. So I just kept going psalm after psalm, until I fell asleep...when I woke up I read some more, and fell asleep again. When I woke up to Gregg's phone call, I woke up feeling refreshed.

I guess I have some more heart work to do. My first process should have been turning to my bible instead of all of my friends for comfort...sure, we're a gospel centered community and they can help build me up, but God is the only one who can truly comfort me the way I yearn and desire. I also need to work on relying fully on God even for the hard stuff that comes my way. I know that He has brought me through incredible trials before and He will bring me through many more. But, I have to do my part in turning to and giving my all to Him...worries, anxieties, trials, loved ones included. It sounds silly but its hard for me to do that. I'd rather take care of everyone and everything myself. And yet, God is so much more powerful than I am, and it'd make my life a whole lot easier and less stressful if only I'd step back, submit and hand all of my fears over to the creator of the universe, and lover of my soul.

Father God, How quickly I turned to sin when the waters started to turn on me. Forgive me Lord. Help me to turn and give all that I have, all that I am, every trial, every burden, every joy, every sorrow, every one that I hold dear over to you. I thank you for helping me see my heart issues that need work. How amazing is your love for me, that I can't only fathom it in my head but also in my heart. Father, continue to draw me into your arms, no matter what it takes to get me there. I'm falling even more in love with you, and I thank-you for investing Your time and Your energy on me, your treasured posession. Amen

What are you doing this week to remind your self that you truly are His Treasured Posession??

Hands

Boy did my hands take a beating today. As I was driving home from work today I finally felt the cut, blister, and burns that encompass my hands. All from doing the work I love, preparing and serving meals to those I work with and the children I work for. The facts of how I got the injuries aren't important, but...what does matter is where my thoughts went next. Years ago I had a devotional book on feet, each day's devotion was 15 minutes long and included a foot massage pretty awesome. Each day I read new scripture involving the importance of feet and reminded me that I should give thanks to God for the feet He provided me with.

I found myself asking, how often do we praise God for our hands? The hands that allow us to raise up praise to the King, for the psalm 47 says,
"God Is King over All the Earth
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of the Sons of Korah. Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of joy!" The same hands that allow us to work to provide for ourselves and our family. The hands that extend to greet others, the hands that feed us, the hands that help us drink. I don't know that I've ever thanked God for the hands he's blessed me with. My hands that allow me to reach out to my nephew and niece and embrace them. My hands that hold them safely as I snuggle them. My hands that allow me to provide food to 100 people every day. My hands that feed me goldfish as I type. Thank-you Father for the wonderment of my hands. Thank-you that despite the blister, the burns, the cuts my hands will still function. May I never forget that You gave me these hands, you fashioned these hands in your hands. Thank-you father, for your hands...your hands that took the nails and were pierced for my sins. Your hands that hold me still as I struggle and stumble to grow closer to you. Amen.

"So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands." Psalm 63:4

Jitters...

So, its finally hit me that I am days away from running a monumental race in my life. I'm running a 5k and to most its nothing, but to me it only solidifies what my head is telling me (that I can't make it and I'm too fat) is a lie. About 4 years ago I started feeling the pain in my neck, and it was 4 years ago that I was told no more running and that I'd probably never be able to fully run again because of the pain in my neck...and its now, 4 years later that I'm setting out to run more than a pt test of 2 miles, I'm going to be running 3.1 miles.

I'm not looking to break records or score a place, I'm just looking to run and not stop, no matter how slow I go...so if you're in town and you know me personally, cheer me on, or encourage me as you pass by...because most of you probably will pass me by, and thats ok. This is my first of hopefully many as I slim back down and fall back madly in love with running!

I'll see you there.

Oh how time flies and things change...

It's been awhile since I've updated, I'm so sorry followers! Life has gotten flipped upside and turned over completely different and I'm still trying to figure out where I am now :-) By God's grace I'm better than when I started but I'm completely feeling the growing pains as God breaks me and molds me back up into the woman He's creating me to be. I'm sure you're wondering what all I've been up to so here we go:

+ God has really been stirring in me to be single and to REALLY be single so I've handed over my idol of men and am learning what it means to truly be single.

+ I've been asked to be a break out leader for my bible study as we've transitioned to having a womens and mens group once a week to dig deeper into our study and eachother's lives. We call them squads so you may here me talking about my squad,that is what I'm referring to.

+ I'm starting to finally get a hold of my finances after a lot of struggling to make ends meet, and have fallen behind on too many important responsibilites to pay for.

+ I graduated my class of 12 preschoolers and then took the chance to leave the classroom for a bit and was named the new head chef of the daycare...I feed anywhere from 80-120 children/teachers and have been in the position for about a week and a half now and LOVE it!!

+ My niece Addison turned 1 and my nephew turned 3...what a fun party we had for them both and my brother & sister-in-law gave me the honor of creating and providing the birthday cakes for each of the kids and cupcakes for all of the guests, it was such a blessing! I made a small turtle cake for Addison and Kati & Beth helped create the giant "Mater" cupcake for Jackson! The kids loved both the cakes and I got lots of compliments on all of the goodies.

+ I've begun a workout routine with my squad every other day and am tracking my weight loss, and my goal weight is 149...my starting weight was 201. Tuesday will be our first weigh-in...praying I get good positive results!!

+ Im looking forward to a 5k run here in town, Brett's Run...this is the first time I've run that far since Korea when I was permitted to run in formation.I'm really excited to conquer this demon and become a runner again! I'm enjoying working up to it.

I think thats just about everything for now. I hope and pray you all are well!

God Bless you now and always.