Trusting in the Gospel...it's time to walk by Faith!

I am LIVID today, and sad, and disappointed. On top of having a PUPPS rash, (which praise the Lord is fully under control, for now) I've just received word that I also now have Gestational Diabetes (GD). "Really, body?!?" was my initial reaction. And then the more it sank in, the more I was utterly disappointed in myself. You see, my grandmother, one of the most amazing women that I love so dearly, died from Type 1 Diabetes at a relatively young age. And I swore to myself I would NEVER, EVER allow myself to get to the point of having Type 2 Diabetes. And now, here I am...25 weeks pregnant and have GD. How could I allow my weight and my body to get to this point I have found myself wondering. How could I let myself get this bad, this far, to a point that I know would be disappointing news to Grandma...and so it is disappointing to me. And then I get mad, like really mad. I haven't felt this mad and determined in years. And I keep telling myself that I'm lucky I'm pregnant and I better enjoy it because in about 5 months (4 until Jonathan arrives and a month or so for healing) I'm going to beat the heck out of my body at the gym. I look forward to it, and quite frankly, I crave it at this point.

What do all of these emotions have in common? They show me how desperately I need the Lord. I can't live this life on my own and when I do, I abuse my body, my mind, my heart. I find myself in this place where I am now, angry, sad, and sick. It's out of the abundance of God's grace, mercy and love that propels me to want to live this life amazingly. God has given SO much to and for me and out of that sheer greatness and mercy that I want to give the best of me to my son, my husband, my family, friends, church body. I want my life to scream Jesus' name. It's time. It's time to walk by faith. It's time to trust the Gospel. And when I fail, as of course I will, I'm human...it'll be time then too to trust the Gospel!

Thank you Father that though I am weak, You are strong. Though I disappoint, you give grace. What a beautiful thing that really is!