Self-Care vs. Self-Destruct

Father God,

WHY!!! Was she in pain? Was it quick? Did she cry out to you? Did she know it was coming? WHY??? That sweet little girl, she'll be so confused and grown up wayyyy too young. Its going to rob her of her childhood...and probably mess with her adolescence. WHY??? That sweet newborn boy will only have a very few pictures of the precious 10 days she had with him. WHY GOD??? WHYYYYYYYYYY? I don't get it. What will happen to this family that is destroyed? Will there be women to stand up and teach the children of her? Will we get to watch them grow up? Where does he go from here? Will they all stay together?

So many thoughts race through my mind as I think about this beautiful woman, 26 years of age, taken just 6 years after her daughter's birth and 10 DAYS after her son's birth. And yet, I can't even talk out loud about it without losing it. Those poor precious children had their mom riped from them so young. And her man, bless his heart...I can't even comprehend his pain. I do what I know best, the only thing I can do right now....never ending prayers cried out on their behalf. I have a Father, who hears them. Who is sovereign. Who knows everything I need and supplies it. Who is holding this young family in the palm of His hand up against His heart. He after all, hand crafted each and every one of these people I'm crying out about. He knows them all by name and what will happen. I find peace and hope in that. So tonight, I cry out for them...and for me. I'd rather start crying out for me and others when I'm broken than continue on the path of self-destruction. That's what happens when I don't care for myself and only for others...I self-destruct...and in that I hurt the ones I love. I don't want that. I want to love them, because I don't know when my Maker will call me or them home. But to love them the right way, I must first love me and the only way I can love me is if I'm in right relationship with my God & King.

---Thank you Kandy for being there tonight to talk with me and remind me of that...God knew I needed you. Thank you for allowing him to use you as an instrument to get through to me.---