A light ...

I was going to title this post "A light at the end of the tunnel" how ever, that doesn't fit. Because life isn't a tunnel. And Jesus, He is the light. He is the light of my life. Work was a warm welcome to me today to get out of the house and stop dwelling. I'm feeling good today, hopeful. I spent nearly an hour in my word this morning and Jesus is already molding and refreshing my spirit. I've learned so much and for that I am so thankful. I can tell that this time, I'm not anywhere near what I was in Korea. The pain, yes, BUT I have a hope now that I didn't back then, and that is what keeps me going. I'm so thankful for my best friend Beth reminding me of something I told her when I was first dating Ryan. He and I used to say it all the time in the beginning. I always said that should anything ever happen to Ryan & I's relationship that, that would mean that God had something even better for us and I couldn't even imagine how much better that would be. It floors me. As I think back on the good times, I can't imagine it any better than what we had. And that fact alone excites me! If I can't even fathom it, how amazing it will one day be! For now, I'm using this time to draw near to my Lord, to spend more time with a 2nd community group, and getting more time with my friends and family! God is good, all the time...all the time God is good...and I WILL Praise HIM through this!!

Thank-you my friends and family for your kind words. Your encouragement is a blessing more than you know! I'm truly thankful for each and every one of you even those just stopping by and reading my journey! To God be the glory! God Bless!

The dark just gets darker

Our sermon title today was something along those lines. How true it is today for me. I have "Hold Me Jesus" by Big Daddy Weave on repeat. Cause that's all I can cry out right now is for Jesus to hold me. Everything doesn't make sense to me. My boyfriend felt the Holy Spirit guiding him out of our relationship. I honor him in that decision, but at the same the Holy Spirit is prompting me that we could have been redeemed. I told him that and his response was that God in His sovereignty doesn't always redeem everything. I'm clinging to Jesus now as I feel so lost. Which scares me. I feel out of control, and I hate feeling out of control. I prayed that God would break my heart and transform me. I just never saw Him taking Ryan from me. I love Ryan so dearly. I haven't felt this kind of heartache since I was in Korea. That fact alone scares the tar out of me, as I went to such a low state of mind and emotion I don't ever want to return to that. So for now, I'm going to choose a path that is further from the path I took in Korea. I'm going to cling ever so tightly to my Savior, who even though I can't see it, has a better plan for me and my life. I just pray that He heals my broken heart and draws me even more closer to Him.  "You have been King of my glory, COME AND BE MY PRINCE PEACE...LORD YOU ARE THE PRINCE OF PEACE!" Big Daddy Weave