Oh how time flies and things change...

It's been awhile since I've updated, I'm so sorry followers! Life has gotten flipped upside and turned over completely different and I'm still trying to figure out where I am now :-) By God's grace I'm better than when I started but I'm completely feeling the growing pains as God breaks me and molds me back up into the woman He's creating me to be. I'm sure you're wondering what all I've been up to so here we go:

+ God has really been stirring in me to be single and to REALLY be single so I've handed over my idol of men and am learning what it means to truly be single.

+ I've been asked to be a break out leader for my bible study as we've transitioned to having a womens and mens group once a week to dig deeper into our study and eachother's lives. We call them squads so you may here me talking about my squad,that is what I'm referring to.

+ I'm starting to finally get a hold of my finances after a lot of struggling to make ends meet, and have fallen behind on too many important responsibilites to pay for.

+ I graduated my class of 12 preschoolers and then took the chance to leave the classroom for a bit and was named the new head chef of the daycare...I feed anywhere from 80-120 children/teachers and have been in the position for about a week and a half now and LOVE it!!

+ My niece Addison turned 1 and my nephew turned 3...what a fun party we had for them both and my brother & sister-in-law gave me the honor of creating and providing the birthday cakes for each of the kids and cupcakes for all of the guests, it was such a blessing! I made a small turtle cake for Addison and Kati & Beth helped create the giant "Mater" cupcake for Jackson! The kids loved both the cakes and I got lots of compliments on all of the goodies.

+ I've begun a workout routine with my squad every other day and am tracking my weight loss, and my goal weight is 149...my starting weight was 201. Tuesday will be our first weigh-in...praying I get good positive results!!

+ Im looking forward to a 5k run here in town, Brett's Run...this is the first time I've run that far since Korea when I was permitted to run in formation.I'm really excited to conquer this demon and become a runner again! I'm enjoying working up to it.

I think thats just about everything for now. I hope and pray you all are well!

God Bless you now and always.

The Words I Would Say

I'm listening to my Contemporary Christian music channel...and this song is on right now. Its talking about writing a letter to someone who isn't near...but it also reminds me of a country song where the author wants to write a letter to a younger version of them self...well, right now, I wanna write a letter to me. I'm going through some things right now that has left me so confused and broken that maybe this is a way I can talk some sense in myself.

"Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say," --The Words I Would Say by: Sidewalk Prophets

My Sweetheart,

I know your confused, broken, unsure of everything life has placed in front of you, don't doubt any longer. Stop letting your fears and your insecurities lead you. You're strong, but you're AMAZING when you're standing on the promises of Jesus Christ your rock...keep moving forward Em.

You Are Loved.

"When will I stop stumbling and falling???"

That's what I asked the Lord a few nights ago, as I pondered my most recent fall. I asked Him when it will be that I'll go from stumbling and tripping as a toddler to walking normal as an adult. I could almost hear the laughter. And then I got my answer...I call myself a klutz because even in my full grown "adultness", I still trip and stumble over all sorts of things. How true is that of our walk with Jesus? No matter how long we walk, how much we grow, there will always be something that will cause us to stumble...we are human, we are sinners, and because of that...we will stumble. But God is merciful, HE loves us so much...so much that even as a full grown christian, when we fall, he picks us back up and waits for us to take the first step once again. God is moving big time in my life right now, He's got some things that are coming that I feel so inadequate for. But with Christ...all things are possible. He is my source of strength, HE IS MY HOPE. No matter what may come, cancer, infertility, weight loss, debt, hunger, no matter what I'm facing now, or what I may face in the future...JESUS CHRIST IS MY ROCK, of what or whom shall I fear? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING...thats what.

Maybe you didn't hear me from my last post...

Take a look at that woman right there....No, really, stop and really look at her. Look into her eyes, what do you see? Do you see the warrior that is deep in those eyes? She's there. She's so strong, it amazes me. Wave after wave of ugly will hit that woman you see there...and yet she just dips her head and keeps going forward. At the most, she's been knocked down a few times...but every time she finds herself on her knees, before the cross. And suddenly, she finds the strength to stand yet again.

So maybe, you didn't hear me from my last post...I AM A FIGHTER, JESUS IS MY FOUNDATION. I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN... GAME ON EVIL!!

Dear World...

I'm Emily. I'm strong. I'm beautiful. I'm not a quitter. I always persevere. I'm not giving in this time. I will defeat this. I will lose this weight. I will show you and myself that I can do this again, but more importantly I can do it my way this time. The right way. I won't let you influence me to make bad choices. I won't let you keep me down. Inside of me is the beautiful, healthy Emily that I know and love and see every time I look in the mirror. One day soon you will see her too.

Please remember this when you knock me down,

I will get up again, I will keep moving forward.

I WILL KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

Here mousey mousey mousey.....

So, those that keep up with me on facebook and on here know that I'm having a mouse issue in the apartment. Well, I guess its more than an issue and more like an infestation, YUCK! So far as of this morning, I've caught 6 mice. yeah... :-/ gross I know. Anywho, those who are closest to me know I've been struggling quite a bit with all of it and more that have really knocked me on my butt. I've been getting some great advice from lots of people and well, today I finally asked for prayer from a friend when I found that my living room power blew the circuit. I feel like I'm living in a death trap, is what I told her. And she challenged me to watch what I say and to not even let words that tear down come out of my mouth. How right she is. At the same time I was talking to a distant cousin online whose been tracking whats going on and he also was encouraging me, and before I knew it I had typed "My God's bigger than this I'll be just fine." Where has that been? Where has my head been? From there my thoughts spiraled into the saying: Don't tell God how big your problems are, tell your problems how big God is. So true isn't it? Really in the scheme of mice and power outage only in my living room, God is still good, and still seated on high. How quickly I allow circumstances to drag me down when really I should be lifting my eyes to heaven and allow God to continue to lift me up again. So I cranked up Bring The Rain by Mercy Me and I danced and worshiped and even sung arms held high at the top of my lungs...

"And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain"

"Whose gonna save you now?!..."

I'm having a bad day. I was feeling down about my single hood tonight but then I discovered a little mouse scurrying about in my apartment. That Threw me into a freeze state as it tried to run into the living room and then ran back into the kitchen, I cried. And then the voices in my head started screaming "Whose gonna save you now Emily, whose gonna save you now?" I grabbed the phone, called my mom, she didn't answer, tried Ace, tried Allen, tried Joe, tried Kati...finally got a hold of mom and she brought me some mice traps. I cried more. Then Allen came over to try and see if he could find it and catch it, but no such luck. But that isn't what this post is about, its about that voice in my head. The evil one will try to get us anyway that he can...but the truth is he only gets power over our fears and anxieties when we allow it. And thats exactly what I did when I freaked out instead of turning to Jesus to take my fears away.

Whose gonna save me now?? Jesus. He already did.